I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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