Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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