Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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