I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize