I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
