I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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