He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
