Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
