My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
