i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
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She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
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Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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