I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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