I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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