just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Even my vagina gasped.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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