my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
