so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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