remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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