Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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