Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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