Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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