you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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