you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
