What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
