Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
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I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
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Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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