she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Did you just see the Batmobile???
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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