He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
