Your mouth is God's brothel.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
