All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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