Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I could make wine with my vomit
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize