bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Green mimosas i think yes
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
