my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
