You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
