I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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