let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
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The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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