wakey wakey hands off snakey
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
