but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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