Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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