Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
