I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
