i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
