Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Alive.
So much puke
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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