He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?