at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back