2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions