ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
