My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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