she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
