Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
