I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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