i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize