dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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