She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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