I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
