The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
