Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
