Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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