I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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