I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
